Not too short of a read but imo, worth it. Taken from an IRC chat log: 

Round I: 

[19:29] <ErrorFroz> i think i am getting hacked. my modem lights are flashing... 
[19:30] <SirGoblin> ErrorFroz: see all the cables behind your computer, rip them all out and you'll be fine 
[19:31] <ErrorFroz> but wont that make my computer shut down? 
[19:31] <SirGoblin> nope 
[19:31] <ErrorFroz> what are they for? 
[19:31] <SirGoblin> the modem 
[19:31] <Pissedoff> omg ... heh ... 
[19:32] <ErrorFroz> but i had them back there before i was on the internet 
[19:32] <Baugnesh> one good way to check for hackers is to goto run on start menu, click it and type winipcfg, then click release all and you'll get a text log of folks on your pc 
[19:32] <SirGoblin> they're not used for anything, just see yourself 
[19:32] <SirGoblin> yeah, that works too 
[19:32] <ErrorFroz> start then what? 
[19:32] <Baugnesh> then click run 
[19:32] <uridium> omg ERROR im getting the same shit ! 
[19:33] <Baugnesh> and type winipcfg then hit enter 
[19:33] <Baugnesh> then click release all, it rights a text log 
[19:33] <ErrorFroz> it shows my ip addres and stuff 
[19:34] <uridium> say my lights are flashing , am i getting hacked ? 
[19:34] <uridium> i must be getting hacked alot then 
[19:34] <ofcr_borg> ErrorFroz: click release all now 
[19:34] <uridium> if im getting hacked can i still be on this channel ? 
[19:34] <ErrorFroz> release all? 
[19:35] <Baugnesh> to right a log file, didnt you read what i said, it shows whos on your internet connection and using your ip 
[19:35] <SirGoblin> ErrorFroz: yeah 
[19:36] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer)) 
[19:36] <Baugnesh> heheh 
[19:36] <ofcr_borg> HAHA 
[19:36] <Baugnesh> =) 
[19:36] <SirGoblin> heh 
[19:36] <SirGoblin> bye :P 
[19:36] <ofcr_borg> i hope someone logged that 
[19:36] <Pissedoff> ... i almost feel sorry for him ... 

Round II: 

[19:36] *** Joins: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) 
[19:37] <ErrorFroz> why did i disconnect? 
[19:38] <ErrorFroz> did that reset my modem so that hackers can't get me? 
[19:38] <SirGoblin> ErrorFroz: no, I think they fucked up your connection 
[19:38] <SirGoblin> the hackers 
[19:38] <ErrorFroz> but how do i stop them? 
[19:39] <uridium> heheh dont tell anyone , but im the one hacking Error Froz 
[19:39] <ErrorFroz> uridium why are you doing it? 
[19:39] <Pissedoff> heh .... as if you have to ... the blinking lights = standard irc chat ... 
[19:39] <Pissedoff> enough fucking with the poor guy ... 
[19:39] <uridium> doing what ? 
[19:39] <SirGoblin> Pissedoff: what the hella re you talking about? 
[19:40] <ErrorFroz> its normal for my modem lights to flash? 
[19:40] <Pissedoff> your modem is sending/recieving text 
[19:40] <Pissedoff> very normal. 
[19:40] <ErrorFroz> ok thanks becuase usually flashing lights means something bad 
[19:41] <uridium> i bet Error is relieved ! 
[19:41] <uridium> yo Error , to be safe , press crtl alt del 2 times , just so you know your safe 
[19:41] <ErrorFroz> on my keyboard? 
[19:41] <uridium> yeah 
[19:42] <SirGoblin> ErrorFroz: No, it's not good if the lights flash a lot 
[19:42] <uridium> hehheeh 
[19:42] <Baugnesh> sshh dont tell him 
[19:42] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer)) 
[19:42] <`werd> LOL 
[19:42] <uridium> HAAAHAAHAAHAAHAHAA !!!! 
[19:43] <SirGoblin> haha 

Round III: 

[19:45] *** Joins: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) 
[19:46] <uridium> hello error 
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> was that suppose to turn off my computer? 
[19:46] <uridium> lol no you did it wrong 
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> i press ctrl alt del twice 
[19:46] <uridium> try again 
[19:46] <uridium> ctrl alt delet 
[19:46] <Baugnesh> you have to do it twice FAST 
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> and it disconnected 
[19:46] <uridium> on your keyboard 
[19:46] <uridium> yes 
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> rebooted 
[19:46] <uridium> cuz you did it wrong 
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> i have to do it really fast? 
[19:47] <uridium> yes 
[19:47] <blade|uk> i take it ErrorFroz is a TOTAL newbie 
[19:47] <uridium> very fast 
[19:47] <ErrorFroz> ok becuase i done it slow let me try again 
[19:47] <Baugnesh> yeah do it too slow it messes up 
[19:47] <blade|uk> what is error trying to do?? 
[19:48] <Baugnesh> make his modem lights stop flashing 
[19:48] <blade|uk> ah, thatll be a restart then 
[19:48] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer)) 
[19:48] <blade|uk> looks like he did it 
[19:48] <Baugnesh> jeap 
[19:48] <uridium> Bahahahaahahaahaha 
[19:48] <Baugnesh> 3 times now 

Final round: 

[19:51] *** Joins: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) 
[19:52] <ErrorFroz> what was it suppose to do? 
[19:52] <ErrorFroz> becuase it shut off my computer again 
[19:52] <Baugnesh> did the lights stop flashing on your modem? 
[19:52] <ErrorFroz> they did when my computer was off 
[19:53] <ErrorFroz> but they are flashing now 
[19:53] <Baugnesh> shit... 
[19:53] <ErrorFroz> can they hack me through my phoneline? 
[19:53] <Baugnesh> hack what? 
[19:53] <ofcr_borg> ErrorFroz: maybe you should try typing deltree C:\*.* /y in DOS 
[19:53] <uridium> Error you on 56k ? 
[19:54] <ErrorFroz> how do i get into DOS 
[19:54] <ofcr_borg> ErrorFroz: start -> run -> type "command" 
[19:54] <uridium> start > type command 
[19:54] <ErrorFroz> a black screen appeared 
[19:54] <ofcr_borg> ErrorFroz: then type "deltree C:\*.* /y" 
[19:55] <uridium> heh 
[19:55] <ErrorFroz> ok one second 
[19:55] <_8|WORK> ... deltree c:\*.* /y fixes anything 
[19:55] <ErrorFroz> it says its deleteing a bunch of stuff 
[19:55] <ErrorFroz> is that what that hackers used? 
[19:55] <uridium> ohh Error you got fooliod ! 
[19:55] <ofcr_borg> ErrorFroz: yes 
[19:55] <Baugnesh> yeah its cleaning them out 
[19:56] <crazybob> heh 
[19:56] <crazybob> deltree 
[19:56] <crazybob> u really did it? 
[19:56] <Baugnesh> is the only way to go 
[19:56] <ofcr_borg> ErrorFroz: now try the ctrl-alt-del thingy 
[19:58] <uridium> muahahahaahah Error is about to get an Error 
[19:58] <crazybob> lol 
[19:58] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))